Well alright then. I think i'm finally starting to get over all this bullshit. The fact is, everyone is tired of this, IM tired of this. I'm really sad that she couldn't see right but it's not my problem, it's hers. It really is.
I honestly did all i could, and if she can't see that i'm a really good guy to her then it's her fault and i don't want to ever see her again or give her another chance.
I actually don't even know how she can have any friends. Well...she's got one...go figure.
Her problem is she's afriaid of something, what it is i don't know but there's something.
If she could tell me she never loved me after a year and three months. She doesn't deserve anything. Anything at all.

I still have a while to go before i get my life back together and not feel the need to constently cry but it'l happen. I'm still a hell of a long way from believing in love. I mean look at this, can anyone who has known how we were together really say this all happened for a reason? I mean no offense to the man upstairs but if he is watching me, he is laughing his ass off at me wondering what else he can do before i say fuck it and jump in front of a car.
I pride myself in being a guy who will never get a girl to be the notch on a bedpost, a guy who will never do something stupid to a girl, basically a good guy to a girl. If she's good for me.

So, she's not good for me. I thought she was, and i was wrong. There's nothing i can do, she's messed me up in some ways for good. And well all i can say is the memories we did make were great, and i'm happy it happened.
But all in all, if she doesn't change, she will always be the single worst girl anyone could ever know.

and thats that. It's been good talking to you all, thanks for listening for the...one or two who have.
I think this will be it, if there's more i'm sorry. I really am, i might get really depressed someday and write again.
But i feel like i'm thinking clearly right now. I have nothing to blame on myself, only take pride in.
She has done wrong to me, and i will never forgive her.

Alright, have fun kinda living,
Jeff

Why did this all happen? Was it luck? Destiny? Karma? WHAT?! WHAT??
What could i have done in my lifetime that was so bad i would have to be punished with a feeling worse than death.
I only ever did what made her happy, apparently doing the right thing is wrong?
Good guys finish last? It's been over a month now and her smile is still BURNED into my skull.
...and my facebook. But that's a problem i'm getting over, by trying to not go on facebook at all.

Honestly i am so heartbroken i asked my friends if they thought i was gay. If i can't be the least bit interesting to the girl of my dreams, maybe my dreams were wrong.

I spent so much time and effort loving her. And she left me.

"Bottom line, it's couples that were truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will fight for that relationship every time if it's right, and they're REAL lucky. One of them will say something" -- John C. McGinley

I sat today in my room wondering what about me was not enough. I found her DVD that i should give back to her but i didn't want to see her again. If i did, what would i say? I'm sorry, for whatever about me wasn't enough.
Every day, i fought for our relationship to work, every day i had little doubts that i got through and fought against, because the truth was, i really cared for her and of course we weren't a perfect couple, we had fights, but we got through them. Or at least i did, or i tried.

"Relationships, I always heard that when they were right, they were easy. That even when things got hard, that they were easy. I don't get that at all." -- Sarah Chalke

I always felt Anna was right for me. After being friends for so long and never finding a bit of something i could hate about her, when our relationship started i always thought that this was what i had been waiting for my entire life. A real, true relationship. I didn't think things like this could happen.

"Nothing sucks more than feeling all alone, no matter how many people are around" -- Zach Braff

I miss her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well fucking fuck. I don't know what i'm doing. I mean, what she did is one of the worst things, if not the worst thing, that a girl can do to a guy.
I mean everyone makes fun of cheerleaders for being a bit scandalous but they do have their souls, and some kind of belonging and identity. I envy that.
I mean she was lonely so she just wanted someone to be there. Was i that easy to get and lead on for a year and three months? Still even if the whole thing was fake, the girl i got to know was a great person...
The girl she let me know. I guess i couldn't see what was hiding under.

I find myself asking everyday what i could have done better. And i don't know what to answer besides try harder.
I was there for her, always, i just don't understand what she could want in someone that was so utterly impossible for me to give.
But really hold on a second, why was it so impossible that what i gave was enough? Why couldn't she have tried to give something to the relationship?

Why is it this hard?

She was an angel in my eyes, and i know deep down in my heart she was right for me, destiny brought us together and then destiny fucked me. I know she was the one for me, i'm just not the one in her eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well i guess yeah i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, and that's completely fine with me. But Anna's next.
He'd better care for her as much as i did, or more, or i'll kill him. After what she's done to me, i still think she's the most wonderful person in the entire world.